Tortured insights about the plight of the Weezer fan. Written by Colby Jordan.
Weezer is one of those unique bands everyone knows of for some reason or another. Whether it be for their cover of “Africa” by Toto or their insanely popular songs such as “Beverly Hills” or “Island in the Sun”, they’ve been a household name for quite some time. Frontman Rivers Cuomo and company have been in the public spotlight for over 25 years, with loyal and dedicated fans since the beginning. However, if you go online and read about Weezer on various forums, such as r/Weezer, you’ll see devoted fans actively shit on the band. From lofty expectations set by their first album, the blue album, to mediocre sales in the 2000s, Weezer’s suffering has led to one of the most vocal fan bases as well as some of the spiciest memes.
Before we start, you may be asking yourself, “who the hell are you and what right do you have to lecture me on a band I don’t care about?”. Well, as you can see by my certification, I am a bonafide and professional virgin who is highly qualified to discuss this subject. With that out of the way, the best way to focus on Weezer’s career and hatred, in my opinion, is to start with the beginning. Since Weezer has to be the absolute worst, they have 6 self-titled albums just to cause some confusion while talking about them. Their debut album, which is referenced by the album’s color Blue, was the perfect album for lonely virgins who play dungeons and dragons and break into a sweat when in the same room as a woman. As someone who falls into too many of those demographics, I can confidently say Blue is one of the most influential and best Power Pop albums, receiving stellar reviews from both critics and fans alike. However, the success of Blue put Weezer in the same spot many bands have been in; everyone loves their first album so much, everything they make afterwards pales in comparison.
Many artists have debut albums which are considered their best, such as The Strokes, The Doors, and Crazy Frog, but Weezer’s Blue is held in such high regard in part due to the lukewarm reception of their sophomore album, Pinkerton. Let me be clear, Pinkerton is my favorite Weezer album, and that opinion is shared by many fans. It’s a deeply personal, raw masterpiece of an album which everyone should listen to. However, in 1996, people didn’t want to hear Rivers Cuomo talk about his Japanese pen pal across the sea or how he’s over meaningless sex, they wanted more songs about skateboarding to work and being named Jonas. The post Pinkerton fallout led to the dark times where most of the memes get their vitriol; the era where Weezer decided to D.E.N.N.I.S system their listeners by making trash music after demonstrating their value as a band.
Have you ever had something you love turn to utter shit with no end in sight? Maybe you were a Cubs fan for their historical 108 year drought or you’ve been living in America since Donald Trump got elected. If so, you’ve experienced what many Cuomosexuals have slogged through while listening to half of Weezer’s albums. Weezer’s story of infamy began following the release of their album Green, which sold like hot cakes with bangers such as “Island in the Sun” and “Hash Pipe.” Green and their 2008 album Red weren’t absolutely terrible albums, mind you, but they lacked some of the spirit that made Weezer stand out compared to the rest. However, somewhat self deprecating yet charming lyrics found on their earlier albums are replaced with duds such as “if you need love then I’ll be here to sex you” which made me physically cringe when I heard it for the first time.
From 2001 to 2010, Weezer went up to bat with seven albums and struck out about five times, which is a less than stellar batting average. A lot comes down to personal preference, however Raditude, Make Believe, and Death to False Metal are three laughable albums which do nothing but fuel fan’s hate boners, yearning for the good ol’ days of “Say it Ain’t So” and “Buddy Holly”. Some of their other albums were fine, I personally enjoy Hurley and absolutely adore Maladroit, but this period still put a bad taste in fan’s mouths moving forward. However, like a socially awkward angel, Rivers Cuomo decided to inspire hope in fans everywhere with the band’s redemption arc.
White and Everything Will be Alright in the End represented oases in the vast desert that is Weezer’s discography, and fans were more hopeful than ever. They were fun, didn’t take themselves too seriously, and all in all were great albums, creating the renaissance of Weezer. At this point, fans felt an inkling of hope, an emotion which had left their souls after hearing Weezer and Weezy team up on “Can’t Stop Partying”, a song no fourty year old man has any right releasing upon the world. This leads to one of the most important parts in Weezer fans hating Weezer, having the ability to laugh at something you love. Knowing Weezer still has it in them to create albums worth their weight in salt while recognizing their rocky discography allows fans to joke and meme about past mistakes in a lighthearted manner, instead of only feeling pain.
This lighthearted ribbing continues to this day, despite Weezer making Pacific Daydream, a generic pop filler album which should be wiped from the Earth, as well as prime edgelord album, Black, where Rivers learns how to say the fuck word. However, always experimenting, Weezer also released Teal, a cover album which sold particularly well despite not being the most creative of cover albums. Teal serves as a shining example of Weezer’s desire to mix up their formula and push new boundaries, even if they sometimes miss the mark. Fans stay hopeful for the band’s next album Van Weezer to bring back those same feelings as their previous, non-dogshit works.
Weezer is a complex band, with a lot of eras and a variety of accomplishments. When it comes down to it, fans rip the band because of their devotion and love for the band. With such amazing music, it’s hard for fans to not foam at the mouth at the chance to make memes about the band or talk about how trash they are, desperately yearning for another classic album. At the end of the day, the lows experienced through Weezer’s career just make the high’s that much better. Without a Raditude or a Make Believe you can’t fully appreciate a Blue or a Pinkerton, and I’m confident Weezer still has it in them to prove all the haters wrong. If not, at least we’ll still have more content for memes.